What Men Really Mean

'I can't find it.'
Really means.... 'It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.'
'It's a guy thing.'
Really means....'There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.'
'Can I help with dinner?'
Really means....'Why isn't it already on the table?'
'Uh huh,' 'Sure, honey,' or 'Yes, dear.'
Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
'It would take too long to explain.'
Really means...'I have no idea how it works.
'We're going to be late.'
Really means....'Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.'
'Take a break, honey, you're working too hard.'
Really means....'I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.'
'That's interesting, dear.'
Really means....'Are you still talking?'
'You know how bad my memory is.'
Really means.... 'I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.'
'I'm going fishing.'
Really means...'I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.'
'I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.'
Really means.... 'The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.'
'What did I do this time?'
Really means.... 'What did you catch me at?'
'I heard you.'
Really means.... 'I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and I'm hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.'
'You look terrific.'
Really means.... 'Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving.'
'I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are.'
Really means.... 'No one will ever see us alive again.'
'We share the housework.'
Really means.... 'I make the messes, she cleans them up.'