Thou shalt not hesitate at the breakdown, but be mighty to get your rightful ball; for though it is written that the meek shall inherit the earth, this is truly was a poor translation. The meek shall be trampled into the dirt is more to the point.
Thou shalt not speak profanely of the Whistler, nor question the purity of his birth, even though he be blind to transgressions by devils on the other team at the ruck and the maul, and whistles them not.
Thou shalt not smite an opponent with a clenched fist, yeah, even in retaliation; for it is written that the Whistler and the Flag Waver shall assuredly miss the cowardly first punch, only to see the avenging second. Believeth that what goeth around shall surely cometh, and verily, evil men will be found at the bottom of rucks.
Thou should not kiss thy team-mate on the mouth when he scores; for such is an abomination unto God, especially kisses in tongues, unless you play football with the round white ball and thus it is expected.
Thou shalt not take the Word of the Coach in vain, for blessed is the Word of the Coach. Instead, wonder at his mighty wisdom and sticketh to His Game Plan, lest the Coach acquaint you with his disciples coaching in the lower grades.
Thou shalt not chip nor kick for touch if thou be a prop or wear any jersey number below that of 7; for this is an abomination unto the Coach, and surely you will be His at training, perhaps everlasting.
Thou shalt not run across the field with ball in hand, but runneth straight ahead up field; for it is written that the touchline is the best defender.
Thou shalt not kick the ball to thine enemies unless it bounceth; for the Spirit of the bounce of the Ball may cause confusion unto them, and if thy heart be pure, make it bounceth back unto you.
Thou shalt not pass the ball to a team-mate about to be smashed by the mighty enemy, unless he owes you money, or has rogered someone dear to your heart, in which case all is forgiven.
Thou shalt not vomit on thy team-mates after the game, for this is unmanly, and they could do it unto you.
The Unquenchables, affectionately known as The Quenchies, is the premier Masters Grade Rugby Union side of Melbourne, Australia. We play social touch rugby every (almost) every Thursday night at Box Hill RUFC.
Come for the rugby. Stay for the mateship. And the grog. And the tours....